I wrote this a couple of years ago, and showed it to my gay and bi friends. In general, it went over well, and everyone got a good laugh. I thought I would share it here...

THE SURVEY
So, we’ve all been called a cocksucker at one time or another in our lives. But, one very important question remains: Exactly what category of cocksucker do you fall into? Not all cocksuckers are the same. That’s like saying all strippers are the same. They’re not. Well, luckily, there is now a quick easy way to determine, once and for all, what specific type of cocksucker you are. All you need to do is answer these ten simple questions, and complete the easy scoring process at the end. Ready? Let’s go…


1) Did you check out the other boys in the school locker room?
a) Yes, a little but no one knew.
b) Yes, a little and some people knew.
c) A lot, and some people knew.
d) A lot, and none of the boys would stand facing me.

2) How old were you when you first realized you wanted to suck a cock?
a) 15 or younger.
b) 16 to 20.
c) 21 to 30.
d) 31 or older.

3) How old were you when you sucked your first cock?
a) 15 or younger.
b) 16 to 20.
c) 21 to 30.
d) 31 or older.

4) How old was the person whose cock you sucked?
a) Your age or younger.
b) Up to 5 years older.
c) 6 to 10 years older.
d) 11 years older or more.

5) Which of these locations best describes the setting where you sucked your first cock?
a) Behind the locked door of a trusted friend's room.
b) In the middle of the woods, far from any walking trail.
c) In a parked car on a darkened side street.
d) In the back corner of a movie theater during a loud action film.

6) How drunk were you when you sucked your first cock?
a) I wasn't. I was completely sober.
b) I definitely shouldn't have driven, I know that.
c) I had problems getting up to get another drink.
d) I don't remember anything, but I woke up with the taste of cum in my mouth.

7) When was the last time you sucked a cock?
a) Within the last year.
b) With the last month.
c) Within the last week.
d) Well, let's see. What time is it now?

What is your favorite position for sucking a cock?
a) Him standing and you sitting or kneeling.
b) You sitting next to him.
c) Him lying on his back, with you straddling him.
d) Both of you lying down, facing each other.

9) When a guy climaxes, how much cum do you want in your mouth?
a) Just a little, so I know I did the job.
b) I guess "average" is okay.
c) The more he cums, the better I did.
d) I'm hungry, dammit!

10) Finish this statement: "I would suck a stranger's cock if..."
a) "...it would get me life saving food and shelter."
b) "...I would be paid a very large sum of money."
c) " ...it's been way too long, I miss it, and he seems safe."
d) "... it's Tuesday."


Okay! Ready? Now for the scoring. Just apply the number of points applied to each letter you selected, and add them up as you go.

1) a = 1, b = 2, c = 3, d =4

2) a = 4, b = 3, c = 2, d = 1

3) a = 4, b = 3, c = 2, d = 1

4) a = 4, b = 3, c = 2, d = 1

5) a = 1, b = 2, c = 3, d = 4

6) a = 4, b = 3, c = 2, d = 1

7) a = 1, b = 2, c = 3, d = 4

a = 1, b = 2, c = 3, d = 4

9) a = 1, b = 2, c = 3, d = 4

10) a = 1, b = 2, c = 3, d = 4


10 pts to 14 pts – You are the musket of cock suckers. You only blow once. Once is enough. You were curious, and you’ve satisfied that curiosity. Time to move on with your life.

15 pts to 25 pts – You are the Brett Favre of cock suckers. You did it. Then you retired. Then you decided to do it again. Then you…wait for it…retired. Now you don’t know what you want to do.

26 pts to 34 pts – You are the “vacation destination” of cock suckers. Odds are, you're married. To a woman. You love to visit. In fact, you visit a lot. You may not send postcards, but you’re there. But, you wouldn’t want to live there.

35 pts to 40 pts – You are an unrepentant and unashamed cock sucker. You don’t care who knows it, or what they say. If it “cums” to “blows”…you will “go down” gallantly. Suck on, my friend. Suck on.


As I recall, I scored either a 26 or a 29...