I was in my late 20's and in the middle of a divorce. Being very shy sex was hard to come by so I was doing a lot of masturbating. Since it was before internet porn I had to buy magazines at the local adult bookstore.

The pictures in the magazines were good but there just weren't very many of them. So much of my time was spent reading the "letters" that were printed. A lot of those stories got me off back then and eventually I found magazines that were nothing but letters. One store even sold them at a discount in packs of three where you couldn't tell what the middle magazine was.

Sometimes one of those middle magazines was all bisexual stories. At first I just read the girl-on-girl stories in those but there was a few good MMW scenes as well. I'm not sure what happened but I slowly started changing, I started thinking about cocks and even looking at them in the pictures.

I still really wanted pussy but I had become interested in cock. Earlier I had thought having one in my mouth was totally disgusting; but I had become horny enough that I would often think of sucking one while I jerked off and found myself cumming at the thought. The desire continued to grow until it became on obsession. The only problem was finding one to suck.

As the months passed I became more obsessed with the idea of sucking and more frustrated with not being able to. So I tried what didn't work in my teens: sucking myself. By throwing my legs over my head and pulling down on my butt I eventually got my lips around the head of my own cock. I know it sounds good but that position is too hard to maintain (and a bit painful) so I was never able to cum that way. But I had a lot of fun trying.

One night I realized that if I was going to suck cock I should taste my own cum to see if I could deal with the taste. The only problem was I lost interest as soon as I shot. So a few times later I decided I would do it for sure and got into the old self-suck position. First I got my lips around the head and tried to cum that way. But, like before, I found it too forced to be able to cum. So I backed off a little to where I wasn't so strained; the view of my cock from that angle was great and helped me with my resolve. So with my cock's head about an inch from my mouth I started jerking and soon shot cum where I wanted it. It tasted a bit weird, and certainly was sticky, but I still found it exciting enough to do quite a few times in the following weeks.

Besides printed porn I also went to adult theaters where I would unbutton one stud on my jeans and put a finger through to diddle my cock with my hands "innocently" folded on my lap (was I fooling anybody?). I was in a small, almost empty, theater one night, sitting in the back corner when I heard the door buzz. A guy entered, looked around, and picked the back row.

The guy didn't play games, he sat right next to me in the corner. Then he took out his cock! I tried not to look, but his hard cock had me very excited. While I had seen plenty of guys jerking off in these places this was the first time I had seen a hardon so close up. I got even more excited when he suddenly grabbed my hand and put it right on it.

This was the first time I had touched an adult cock that wasn't my own and I found it wonderfully different in my hand. So, while staring straight ahead at the screen, I felt up his cock and started jacking him off. But I'm sure you can guess he wanted more.

With a hand on the back of my head he started to guide me down to suck. The only problem was I was extremely uptight about anybody finding out my interest in cock and this was a public theater. So I left in a panic!

I started berating myself on the drive home. I had been dreaming of sucking a cock and I had run away from my first chance. The next few weeks I wasn't very productive at work since my mind was fixated on what had happened.

Another of my feeble attempts to find sex back then was an ad in a swinger newspaper. All I ever got from these ads was a bit of phone sex but I kept trying, i.e. I was pretty desperate. Then I got a call from a man inviting me to a sex party and he said there would be horny couples there.

It was a long drive but I still got there a little early. The host invited me in and told me I was the first to arrive. He offered me a drink and shared some pot with me too. Soon my head was spinning.

The next thing I remember is being naked in his bed with him sucking my cock. Then it was my turn and I wasn't about to run away again. I held his cock in front of my face getting a really good look, then touched the head with my tongue.

Nothing bad happened so I put my lips around the head. It felt warm in my mouth and I could feel his pulse. Rubbing my tongue on the bottom made it twitch and he whispered for me to take more. So I ran my lips down the shaft; then back up. I was finally sucking a cock and it was good.

He didn't want to cum right away so he pulled me off and started sucking me some more. This time he also fingered my ass. It felt nice but also scared me. So I didn't let him take that too far and he seemed to understand.

Not sure how long that first session lasted nor how many times we traded blow jobs. Eventually he jacked off and squirted on his belly, then I did the same.